On Lying and Honesty

I preach from the rafters about the Honesty Doctrine. It's one of the core tenets of our faith, and I know that it confuses some. Our world is built on lies, and the things we intake, like our humor and our drama, use them as plot devices and entertainment. We're taught that it's an accepted part of our society - the little white lie, for instance. We scoff at the more traditional faiths who admonish us that it's a sin to lie while simultaneously continuing to advocate it in action. 

I am not here to admonish. The concept of the Honesty Doctrine doesn't actually lie in the spiritual at all - it lies in the logical. Have you ever actually dissected the saying, "Magic cannot lie in the mouth that lies", or whatever version thereof you've heard. It's true, and here's why. 

Words are magic. This much we know - I can use my words to evoke emotions in others, to invoke change, to inspire. I am doing it right now, as you read this. So what, then, is the value of a word when you cannot know if it is true? Would it be as effective? I would not say so, until the lie is resolved. And this means more than clearing up the truth, but in righting the wrong done by the lie. 

I find it very difficult to be around those who have lied to me, honestly. Something in me asks, "If they lied about this thing I know about, what are they lying about to me?" And that's hard. It's a hard, twitching thing in the back of your head that prevents you from trusting them with yourself, at least until they prove themselves again. There are only a few scenarios I can think of in which lying is a secondary concern and an unfortunate necessity, like the need to protect a life. Lying is never kind. It is never the compassionate choice, because it builds good on false hope and false premises that will fall further and hurt more than the truth in the moment. This is why part of the Doctrine is compassionate truth - to speak what you mean but to do it with precision and thoughtfulness towards loving the other person enough to speak truth to them. 

I never want to live in a web of lies again. It's awful. Trying to remember what you've told who, letting the lie go deeper because it wasn't fully formed to begin with, and then you're in over your head feeling your blood rush in your ears and everyone is angry with you. I wrote and adopted the Honesty Doctrine specifically to avoid feeling that ever again. And you can too. 

Please do not misunderstand me. These words are written as warning, not a judgment. Nobody is perfect, and that's why Honesty is one of our Divine Aspirations, as opposed to some law or other. No being is perfect. Crom was not perfect. The Universe itself makes mistakes - otherwise, the mutations that create natural selection and therefore us would never have happened. So choose what standard you hold yourself and others to carefully. Be kind. 

Do not hold yourself to a standard you would admonish others for. If you would not tolerate those words from another towards themselves, if you would never say to another what you say to yourself, rethink your stance. You are made of star stuff. You are no greater than any other...you are no lesser than any other either. We are all here to explore and learn and do our best. 

Speak truth...and enter.

From our Holy Book:

The Honesty Doctrine

Honesty Doctrine

 

Perhaps the most interesting part of my journey has been discovering the concepts of honesty. While most faiths espouse the idea, society as a whole has certain lies that are considered acceptable, especially in the ones we tell ourselves. The double standard can make things difficult, and when I took my vow of truth as a druid dedicant it opened new problems in the relationships between lies, secrets, and promises. If we hold a secret, do we lie to protect it? If we make a promise, trust and truth are interlinked. And for many that embrace abject honesty, it’s used as an excuse to say the first thing that comes into their minds, regardless of the harm caused. I’m still learning the intricacies of the idea, but I do deeply endorse the honesty doctrine. I believe it to be important.

First, tell no lies. Not even little ones. Not even ‘kind’ ones. They are not kind in the end, and the truth will always out. There’s a sort of feeling you get when you’re talking to someone you’ve lied to, that hesitant slight nausea in your stomach. I haven’t had to worry about that feeling in so long. It’s a delight. It’s freedom. It’s knowing I don’t have to remember details that might endanger friendship or reputation. I am precisely who I am. Now, that doesn’t mean that I’m always right, or that I have a particularly good memory. I don’t. It means that, though initially it’s difficult for others to believe it, eventually they realize that at any given moment I’m telling the truth to the best of my ability. This builds trust, even when I’m wrong.

Second, make no promise you don’t intend to keep. This is more complicated than it sounds, and means having a fairly good knowledge of what you can and can’t do and being open about it. It can be difficult to admit you cannot do a thing, but in the end it keeps you from disappointing others. If you must break a promise, go humbly and explain. Take consequences if you must, but these are honorable.

Third, apologize for nothing you are not sorry for. While this part sounds unkind, it isn’t. You can feel sorry for hurting another even when you meant what you said. Identify what it is that hurt another person. Establish whether you feel in the wrong. Be honest with yourself about what you could have handled better, and use precision in your thoughts and words. Eventually, others will come to realize that when you apologize, you truly mean it, and aren’t just placating them. Once again, this builds trust with others.

Fourth, use precision of language and compassion. If you are criticizing another, stop and think how you mean it and find the right language. Find something you can also truthfully praise. The world is full of Divine Selves, and each one is your equal in humanity and divinity. Protect that, and say what you mean in kindness. The world is full of inequalities, judgments, and chaos. You have an opportunity to fight that with each word you say. Say words of love in your head until you mean them, then let them escape. Words are incredibly powerful. It’s why we speak our rituals and our magic.

Fifth, if you are asked to keep a secret, make certain it is one you can keep. Know a thing and then never speak it again, if you can. If your knowledge of the thing is called into question, answer with a truth – that you cannot say. Take questions to the teller of the secret, and know that if any use secrets as a means to create friction, they are not ones to accept secrets from. Keep your secrets as truly and carefully as you keep your promises, and it should find its way.

Lastly, understand that lies are a temporary thing. They are told for a few reasons, mostly in order to avoid trouble, to avoid harming others, or for gain. In all these cases, eventually that lie will serve its purpose and be broken with the truth. It might be comforting to lie to yourself, but something in you knows it is a lie. The truth can hurt, but it gives you the tools to build a more complete you.

            I feel truly led to this doctrine, and encourage others to do so as well. The only downsides I have found is that it makes you a terrible liar after a while, and you have a horrid time realizing when someone is lying to you. Eventually it becomes a surprise, as to why anyone would bother.